If you have been asking yourself why your menopause is so challenging, this is a question I asked myself during perimenopause. In this post, I want to share my discoveries with you to help you gain clarity on your own journey.

Menopause does not have a set arrival time for any of us. For most women, the transition begins in the mid-to-late forties during the perimenopause stage, when the reproductive hormones estrogen and progesterone start to rise and fall differently and eventually decline, signaling menopause—the end of reproduction—around the mid-fifties¹.

For some women, this natural process is mild and almost unnoticeable. For others, the experience feels intense and disruptive. Frequent mood changes, sleep problems, hot flashes, night sweats, weight changes, and mental fog can affect daily life, work, relationships, and emotional stability¹.

For many Black women, their menopause experience falls into this second category. It might be the same for you. I was one of those women.

When I reached midlife, it felt like I was hit by a 2×4. My thoughts and mood were scattered and all over the place. I could no longer fall asleep or stay asleep as easily as I once did and was getting only a few hours of rest per night. My body temperature shifted from hot to sweaty to cold and back again without any warning. I struggled with memory and focus while still trying to go through my day and workload as if I was okay, when I clearly wasn’t.

I felt like an alien had taken over my body and I had lost control. I moved through my day confused and fearing the worst about what was happening to me.

Research confirms this experience, showing that Black women are more likely to experience frequent hot flashes, night sweats, and depressive symptoms during menopause compared to other groups². The menopausal transition also lasts longer for Black women, averaging close to ten years, compared to approximately six and a half years for many others³. That longer duration means living with disruptive symptoms for a much longer stretch of time.

After recognizing that my doctors were of little help and that my health and life had reached a breaking point, I decided that I needed to take control of how I was feeling. As I worked to regain my well-being, I began to understand that what made this period difficult was shaped by three major factors: lack of education about menopause, poor-quality health care, and being unaware of the powerful grip of the Black Superwoman syndrome, which goes against menopause.

If you are struggling in menopause and wondering why you are having a hard time, understanding these three factors will bring clarity to your challenges. In the final segment, you will learn how to take a different approach that can lead to a better menopause experience.

The system was that our ancestors were property, and this dehumanization meant that their voices and concerns were systematically ignored by society. They had little to no access to proper medical care and had to endure treatments without the opportunity to ask questions or advocate for their needs. They were expected to toe the line and take what was given, including medication. Overlook their discomforts and push through. As enslaved people, their lives and health were not considered necessary.

By the time we reach the 20th century, menopause already carried centuries of myths and fears. And this brings us to a turning point.

The early 1900s introduced a new idea. Doctors described menopause as a deficiency, a condition that needed medical correction. They believed the body lost something essential once the ovaries slowed down, and this created the framework for the first hormone treatments. By the 1930s-40s, Estrogen pills emerged as the first form of hormone replacement, a way to restore balance⁷. Many women found relief, and medical research expanded. And menopause shifted from a mysterious crisis into a medical condition.

By the 1970s, menopause became fully medicalized in many Western countries. Pharmaceutical companies promoted hormone replacement therapy solutions even while having adverse warnings for sleep, mood, and weight⁷. Some of these treatments helped women. But they also shaped an entire culture of belief: menopause is something to fix.

Today, we cannot overlook the fact that remnants of these historical views continue to affect women, particularly black women. Many continue to have their menopause concerns dismissed by medical professionals, enduring a stigma that pressures them to hide their symptoms and falsely uphold the notion of “staying strong.” Believing that menopause is a medical condition and that only medicine is the solution. We must challenge these attitudes.

The core issue that I found made my menopause difficult was a lack of knowledge. I simply did not know what was happening to me. I was an educated Black woman, yet I had never heard the word perimenopause until my doctor mentioned it, and even then, there was no explanation. No one had explained that you begin menopause while you still have a period. No one had explained how hormones influence sleep, mood, memory, and metabolism¹.

You, me, and most Black women grew up in environments where menopause was mostly not talked about. Even though more information exists today, those beliefs continue to shape our approach. Many Black women still reach midlife without a clear understanding of menopause and what it means for their health and lives⁴. When this happens, our fears and beliefs shape our experience, which can actually make it worse.

| Check out the post on the history of menopause and how it impacts your beliefs |

This lack of knowledge has real consequences. Without understanding, you can easily stay silent about what is happening and normalize your symptoms. You underestimate the changes occurring in your body. You assume mood changes, sleep problems, and fatigue are simply part of aging or stress.

Looking back, I see how this lack of knowledge affected not only me but also my mother. During her midlife years, she was often angry and emotionally strained. I saw an “angry” Black woman. I did not recognize menopause. Without language or understanding, my siblings and I grew up with this identity of our mother, not knowing she was going through menopause.

While education changes everything, so does the quality of medical care. For most Black women, the first step to getting answers is going to a doctor.

I remember sitting in my doctor’s office during perimenopause, describing physical and emotional issues that felt like life and death to me, only to have him say that it couldn’t be all that bad. In an attempt to comfort me, he added that in a few years, when my period was over, I would feel better.

The message was subtle yet powerful. My suffering was not important enough to require care. I was expected to just endure it.

Research supports this lived reality. Large studies examining menopausal women across racial groups show that Black women report more severe symptoms while receiving fewer treatment recommendations². Even when Black women express greater discomfort, they are less likely to be offered interventions that could ease their symptoms.

When symptoms are dismissed, it teaches women to tolerate discomfort. Over time, this creates a cycle where symptoms worsen while women hesitate to return for help. Fatigue builds. Emotional strain increases. Daily responsibilities become heavier, and women begin to doubt the messages their bodies are sending them.

For Black women, this pattern often overlaps with cultural expectations around strength. Many of us are taught to handle pain quietly, adapt, and keep moving forward. When a doctor reinforces this expectation, even unintentionally, it strengthens the belief that suffering should be managed alone in silence.

One of the most significant factors that made menopause harder for me, and something I also see in my clients, was how we were wired to function — being relentless over-doers, overlooking our needs, and pushing through everything no matter what — the Black Superwoman Syndrome.

I wore my cape proudly. I rarely took vacations or sick days. I worked full-time, studied full-time, ran two small businesses, went to the gym regularly, and supported family members. I believed this level of effort was needed to transcend my circumstances and change the trajectory of my family, and it did.

I was not alone. I saw this pattern in my mother, my teachers, my friends, and the women around me. Research describes this as the Superwoman schema, a cultural role shaped by resilience, self-reliance, and emotional suppression⁵.

Over time, this way of living trains the nervous system to normalize stress. It encourages women to overlook their needs and ignore early signs of imbalance. Stress hormones remain elevated. Rest becomes optional.

When menopause begins, the body has fewer reserves. Hormonal changes interact with chronic stress, intensifying symptoms such as sleep disruption, mood changes, and fatigue⁶. Women continue trying to do everything with lower hormone levels and aging, worn-down bodily systems.

Many women are unaware that this pattern increases long-term health risks after menopause. Postmenopausal Black women face higher rates of high blood pressure, diabetes, sleep apnea, depression, and cardiovascular disease compared to other groups⁷. Chronic stress and untreated menopausal symptoms contribute to these outcomes.

1. Empower Yourself About This Life Stage
Take time to read about perimenopause and postmenopause so you can understand how your body is changing — your hormones and bodily systems — and make sense of how you feel, your symptoms, and even how you see yourself. With this knowledge, you will feel less dread and fear and will no longer normalize what is happening.

2. Become More Self-Aware
Menopause is deeply personal. Symptoms reflect hormonal changes as well as lifestyle patterns and daily stressors. Begin paying attention to your diet, lifestyle habits, and the people, places, and situations in your life and how they make you feel, as these may be underlying drivers influencing the type, frequency, and severity of your symptoms, whether mood swings, hot flashes, night sweats, or weight gain. This awareness helps you identify what to change or avoid to feel better.

3. Advocate for Your Needs and Seek Support
No one should navigate menopause alone. Support makes going on an unknown journey easier. Support may include joining a menopause group, hiring a coach to transform lifestyle, seeking mental therapy, and even medical care. Reach out and speak up about your challenges so you can find the guidance you need. Advocacy opens doors to care that helps you navigate this period with greater ease.

4. Embrace a New Way of Living
Menopause signals that the body has assumed a new function and identity. Living the same way leads to suffering. Taking off the Superwoman cape becomes an act of self-respect. This stage of life calls for practicing more self-love, self-compassion, and self-care through lifestyle changes that support your evolving needs. These changes reduce discomfort, support long-term health, and create vitality for a meaningful second half of life.

This stage of life offers an opportunity to focus on your needs and well-being. Education builds confidence. Awareness strengthens agency. Support lightens the load. A new way of living creates space for health and peace.

If you would like to learn more about how to take control and create a better menopause experience, I invite you to explore the resources below created with you in mind.

Charmaine

The information presented here is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended to be used as medical advice. Any statements or claims about the possible health benefits conferred by any products or lifestyle changes have not been evaluated by medical professionals or the Food & Drug Administration and are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. You should consult your health practitioner before changing your diet, taking supplements, or starting any exercise or health program.

1. Harlow SD, Gass M, Hall JE, et al. Executive Summary of the Stages of Reproductive Aging Workshop +10. Menopause. 2012. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22343510/
2. Gold EB, Colvin A, Avis N, et al. Longitudinal analysis of vasomotor symptoms and race/ethnicity across the menopausal transition. American Journal of Public Health. 2006. https://ajph.aphapublications.org/doi/10.2105/AJPH.2005.066936
3. Avis NE, Crawford SL, Greendale G, et al. Duration of menopausal vasomotor symptoms over the menopause transition. JAMA Internal Medicine. 2015. https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamainternalmedicine/fullarticle/2091321
4. Constantine MG, et al. Perceptions of menopause among African American women. Journal of Black Psychology. 2016.
5. Woods-Giscombé CL. Superwoman Schema: African American women’s views on stress, strength, and health. Qualitative Health Research. 2010. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1049732310381761
6. Thurston RC, Joffe H. Vasomotor symptoms and menopause. Obstetrics and Gynecology Clinics of North America. 2011. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21961711/
7. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Racial and Ethnic Health Disparities in Chronic Disease. https://www.cdc.gov/minorityhealth/chdad/index.html